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Imperfection

If you haven’t noticed yet, I’m going to draw your attention to the fact that the main picture on my website has a flub. During the photo shoot, the little stringy thing, which all shirts have for some mysterious reason, worked its way out and is there for all to see. Here, I pointed it out for easy viewing. I didn’t see at first, but then I couldn’t not see it. My friend who took the photos offered to Photoshop it out, but ultimately, I decided to keep it in. See, I love these photos. They are probably my favorite pictures of myself ever, and I want to keep them slightly imperfect. For much of my life, I have strived to be perfect, or at least appear perfect. But even more than that, I have

What is an Innate Self-Worth Statement?

Think back over your life to your greatest moments of pride and joy. Maybe it is a new job, graduation, the highest scorer on your basketball team, a new relationship or child. Those are universally great experiences and pride and joy often accompany them. But what if I were to tell you that Shame can use those experiences against you? In our American culture. achievement and success are huge parts of how we identify ourselves. It starts from a young age when we are praised for doing something good, “great job cleaning up your room, honey.” Or “Let’s go out to dinner to celebrate your straight A’s.” We have long been rewarded for hitting those markers in life, and while positive praise

Books I Love- Imagination Library Edition

I read a lot of kids books. A lot. I have three kids, so at any time throughout the day, we might be reading a story. My youngest has been heavily influenced by my oldest, so if he has his way, it’ll be a Batman, Sonic the Hedgehog or a Ninjago story. Sometimes I get to choose, though. Strong emphasis on the "sometimes". When that happens, I like to pick some of my favorites from when he was not totally obsessed with toy- and character-based stories and simply liked a story. (Not that the 100 Ninjago stories I’ve read are not great, but they can be a bit repetitive.) I thought it’d be fun to put together a list of some of the books I love to read to my kids, on the off-chance you get to pick

Vise

Now that I am writing children's books about shame, I am reading a lot of Brené Brown. I probably should have started reading her before I started writing, but how often do we do what we should? Have you read Brené Brown yet? If not, you absolutely must. The books have been so illuminating and affirming, it’s incredible. Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead (Gotham, 2012) was my first. I’m now slowly making my way through the rest of her works. Brené’s life work is shame research, and she writes amazing, accessible books about what her research has taught her. One thing she teaches is how knowing your physical shame reaction will

"Nothing."

We’ve started a new tradition in my house for when my kids get in trouble, which happens daily. When they begin to freak out (which they always do when they get in trouble), I have them say a phrase with me: “What can you do to make me (Mom) not love you?” The answer? “Nothing.” At first, I said it. Then, they said it. Now, it’s become habit: If I say, “What can you do to make me not love you?” they simply (and tearfully) respond, “Nothing.” They don’t always sound convinced, and sometimes they try to throw out some dramatic scenarios, but my answer always stays the same: “Nothing.” I don’t think this will make my kids perfect. On the contrary: I don’t expect my kids to ever be perfect. That

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